Life is... making a choice ( though not necessarily the right one ).

Imagine yourself traveling along a lonely or busy street ( take your pick ) – only to come across to a T-junction. Now, which turns should you take, the right or the left? How about a round about, what would be your choice - would it be 3, 6, 9 or 12 o’clock? Even if you’re aided with the super colossal road signs, chances are you will still find yourself stranded in an unfamiliar place. I once spent 2 hours lost in PJ, just because somebody insisted of treating me for lunch at a banana leaf restaurant – which, he himself was not familiar with the route – or how to get to the particular place. There we were, under the hot blazing sun, stuck in a heavy traffic where the car’s air conditioning system was not functioning, trying to act civil to each other. I remember persuading him to just turn back and head to a more familiar environment but hey – he’s the man! He chose to ignore my suggestion, and to ignore me throughout the rest of the journey. Thankfully, his persistence paid off as we finally found the obscure restaurant and had our lunch there. The whole lunch affair lasted for only half an hour ( as compared to the traveling time! ). The relationship lasted for three years.

So, probably, the incident above was a guy thing. What about the fairer sex? Ask anyone of us – and 99% would agree that life is all about making choices, from the simplest and most insignificant to the most complex and major decision. For example, making a choice between a slice of cheese cake and a plate of char koey teow… Not a tough one, huh? Once, I was confronted with this particular predicament: my choice was the latter. I chose the wrong menu and life has not been the same after that. Anyway, let’s find out what happens in a day of the life of Jane ( name has been changed to protect her privacy ):

Monday – Friday

5.45 am: The alarm goes off. ( Previously, it was in the form of a human voice at the other end of the line ) Should Jane leave the comfort of her bed, head for the cold shower or should she remain in bed? Chances are, Jane would set the alarm to a convenient 6.15 am and goes into another half an hour slumber.

6.15 am: The alarm goes off for the second time. Should Jane wake up, finally wake up now? Oh well, failure to get out of bed now would mean that she would spend the rest of the day convincing a sympathetic doctor that she badly needs of an MC, sometimes to no avail. She’d better get up, rise and shine! Off to shower then…

6.30 am: The most important decision has to be made while standing ( or sitting or balancing on one foot – depending on which position would be the most comfortable one ) in front of the wardrobe: Which clothes to wear or simply groan “ I have nothing to wear! ”. Failure in making the right decision now would result in World War 3, global warming, deforestation – and before she could be blamed for causing a major catastrophe, Jane has to think wisely. A clever move would be making the decision before she gets to bed the night before – oh well, she has chosen not to do it last night, therefore, she is stuck with the inconvenience! “ This dress makes me fat; that is similar to what a so-and-so has, I don’t want to be caught wearing the same outfit with a so-and-so today; This one is so red / black / green / purple…; I wonder if Mr. Level 30 would be wearing the same colour today etc etc etc.” This thinking and contemplating process could take up to 15 minutes … or 15 days later!!!

7.30 am ( the earliest ): So Jane is finally ready to start her journey. Holding her monthly LRT pass, Jane walks to the nearby LRT station. Suddenly, she comes to a halt: “ Do I have morning class today? Would I be able to make it on time? Should I flag a passing taxi? Taxi would be a faster mode of transportation, but what if the road is congested? What if the cab driver is an alien who is not familiar with KL landmarks? What if the cab driver is serial murderer? What if the driver is a plain DOM – translated, Dirty Old Man? ” Anyway, since that series of questions have already consumed 5 minutes of Jane’s time, she decides in taking a cab to work. Bad choice, the road is congested ( though she is taking the Ampang Elevated Highway ), the taxi driver is in a foul mood, and she has to part with an amount close to RM15.00. It would be a free ride – with the aid of the prepaid LRT pass – had she taken the LRT! ( Have I told you once I spent RM20 – and I only managed to reach Desa Pandan before persuading the cab driver to turn back and bring me to a clinic nearby my own home? Due to UMNO’s AGM, the road was extra congested that day. But enough about me, we are talking about Jane here. I wouldn’t want to steal the lamp light off her. )

8.35 am: Jane has finally arrived at her office. True enough, she does have a morning class on that day. Now, which lift should she take? Where should she stand? Failure to wait at the most strategic location would result in her not getting into the first available lift. Chivalry does not exist in modern time, no one would offer their place ( in the lift ) especially to a lecturer who does NOT teach them. Most people ( remember the kiasuness in Life is… an LRT ride? ) would choose to ignore this poor, unfortunate soul. Err, Jane, I mean. A door opens – and she quickly gets in. Wrong lift – this only plies Level 25 and above. Oh, never mind.

8.45 am: Jane arrives at her class, only to be greeted with a couple of her students. “ Where are the rest? ” They just shrug their shoulders. A typical Monday morning syndrome. The next class is not any better either. Most of the students decide to award themselves with an extra off day just for coming to class the week before - and for once, Jane couldn’t help but to wish that she remains at home today. Oh well, she chooses to come to work….. “ Excuse me, Miss…. About our questionnaire, we can’t submit it today as my computer crashes / Mr. A gives too many assignments / Dr. K’s car breaks down / Madam W is feeling a bit under the weather / Dek Na has been voted out of AF5 last weekend… ”

( Hint: Jane is required to choose the most credible excuse here… ) Aware of the professional oath that she has taken previously, Jane chooses not to eliminate her students. Life is complicated enough, thank you.

12.45 pm: The phone rings / A pop-up message appears on Jane’s Skype / Yahoo Messenger ( take your choice ) / A new e-mail has just arrived into her mailbox. Sometimes, these happen simultaneously. It might be a ( missed ) phone call from Mr XXX asking about YYY, a brochure that they are in the midst of producing. It could be a Skype message from Dolphin or iddpenin asking whether Jane has taken her lunch and shall they go out for an early lunch. It could also be an e-mail from Jane’s Open Day Project Manager, reminding her of their post mortem meeting. Either one, Jane chooses to respond to the lunch invitation and ignore the others. Bad choice, she bumps into both Mr XXX and Mr Project Manager on her way down. “ When are you going to edit the brochure / conduct the meeting / repair the malfunctioned access door / put out the forest fire in Borneo / save the world ” they ask. “ Let me have my lunch first,” says Jane.

2.00 pm: Time for Jane to do ALL of the following tasks: Edit the brochure / conduct the meeting / repair the malfunctioned access door / put out the forest fire in Borneo / save the world – she cannot afford to choose, they are all important and require her immediate attention. So, what shall Jane do? She decides to do … neither, but heads to the nearest karaoke joint! A friend is leaving for her professional training abroad ( lucky her! ) and there will be a farewell party. Let the rest solve their own mess. Jane has had enough, she’s going to let her hair down and party! And party she does for the rest of the afternoon before heading for home in the evening. ( And of course, she manages to do some shopping and splurge on ice-cream before saving the world on the next day. )

10.00 pm: Jane’s favourite television show is on now. Unfortunately, Mom wants to watch another programme, so they spend the evening channel switching and chatting about the next door neighbour with a penchant for karaoke until the wee hours of the morning! Oh, no. Not another issue to settle! Jane decides to let the matter rest and hopes that other neighbours would complain.

12.00 am: Time to bed and to another episode of clothes-hunting ( the wardrobe could be a challenge ) the following morning. “ Now, do I have morning class tomorrow? What time shall I set the alarm? Which side of the bed is more comfy? Have I chosen the right pillow? ” It’s all about making choices – though, as I mentioned before – not necessarily the right ones. Good night, all!

Life is... letting go and saying goodbye.

This entry goes to all the significant people of my life:

A dearest sister, the one that I looked up upon, and would always do…

A loving father – my pillar of strength, the one who regarded me as ‘daddy’s girl’ – no matter how young or old I might be…

A dearest friend, someone that I could laugh or cry with – whether it was about me or someone else, and the one who gave the word ‘luggage’ a new definition…

The love of my life, the reason for my living… and how the world would stop revolving when he’s gone… or so I thought…

A dearest younger sister – my birthday present… who would soon be leaving for Korea… ( to whom this entry is dedicated to )

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

Why is it always difficult to let go? Be it an old-aged e-mail, pieces of movie tickets for two, candy wrappers, lyrics to a sentimental love song ( no matter how stupid it may sound ), dog-eared postcards from Kuching or one from Australia… No matter how many times you pack and store them away – out of your sight therefore out of your mind – a day will come when you have the sudden urge to look at those sentimental values.

I hate what the-guy-who-used-to-be-a-special-someone did to me. Yet, I found myself – more than once – reading, crying and laughing over his e-mails and cards. My mind kept replaying the scenes when we were caught in the rain, or watching him having his hair cut at a barber’s, or listening to his off-tune singing. I miss laughing over his ‘sweat dream’ messages, most of all, I miss the way he treated me like his princess. I woke up on a Sunday morning and discovered that the time had come for me to let him go.

I disapprove of what my elder sister has done to our family, especially to our parents. Yet deep down inside, I miss her. I miss having someone whose good fashion style always inspired me to ‘borrow’ her belongings ( and only told her about it after returning her things! ). I miss having someone who could narrate the wonders of life in a boarding school that I couldn’t wait but to be in one. I miss seeing the world from her worldly and grown-up eyes ( as compared to my childlike perspective ). I miss her famous laughs… I still miss her like the day she walked out of our lives and vowed never to return. Just a few days before Muslims all around the world celebrated Ramadhan – we had to let her go.

I miss Bapak terribly. I was his spoilt-brat daughter, and would always be. The fact that he was calling for my name when he was still conscious ( and I hadn’t reached the hospital yet ) hurt. I miss teasing him regarding his old, faithful Honda Cup, or his beloved WA8402 Ford, waiting for him to fetch me from school on a cold, rainy evening, listening to the sound of his motorbike as we were watching Summer Kisses, Winter Tears or Man in the Net when we were supposed to mengaji, and lots more. I miss having him sitting at the porch, waiting for all his children to come back for the much-awaited Hari Raya celebrations or just for the weekends. June 2003 – I let him go as he took his last breath, slowly…

On letting a best friend go…Our friendship was not always a bed of roses, or seen through rose-tinted lense. We had our fair share of fights, disagreement, cold wars… We called each others names, yet sent each others cards – till Memory Lane and Hallmarks became our faithful companion. She knew that shoulder pads are a woman’s best friend, and one would have to look her best even as she was sea sick ( as the Tioman trip proved ). Coke would be the coolest drinks in the club scene and Diavola pizza tasted better especially if it was delivered with a personal note from the two coolest chefs of Wall$t. To the others, a luggage is harmless – but to us, it could be the most dangerous weapon ever invented by men especially when it hit you right on your head ( without any intention, of course ). She knew that With or Without You would always be a meaningful song to us and that You Sang to Me could either send me to tears or grin with happiness.

Either way, she was there – through the years – through all the good and bad – and would always be there for me - even after I had to let her go on a black Monday morning…

A dearest younger sister, a birthday present especially delivered by the Almighty – a blessing. She was there for me especially during one of the darkest episodes of my life - and being under the table became the most hype place to express your grievances! A fashion consultant ( though not by profession ) she is, she turns ‘muka beruk’ ( green eye shadow paired with a pair of dark-red overcoat ) into the latest, trendiest fashion icon and ‘Marilyn Monroe’ into plain Mak Mah or Pah Bedah. Planet Hollywood and Hard Rock Café are nothing as compared to the times we spent slurping hot, hot, hot tom yam at Chow Pha Raya. Without her around, my laughters would not be as loud as they are now – especially after letting go of so many people in my life…. And now, just when I thought I would be able to prevent my loved ones from slipping through my fingers, she has to go….

Sis, just wanna let you know that your footprints are here to stay.

Life is... a plate of char koey teow.

Char koey teow would always remain a significant dish to me. If the government were to award an inanimate object / thing / food that has created an impact on a person’s life, my vote goes to this humble food.

For so many reasons.

Why ‘ humble’? Simple. Char koey teow is simply unassuming, unpretentious. Unlike human beings, it doesn’t judge you on how you look, on how you behave – and it won’t mind if you were to call it by other names. It won’t mind, either, if you were to serve it on a piece of banana leaf, wrapped in an abandoned newspaper ( particularly the section that people care less ), eaten by dirty fingers in a noisy and humid environment.

Char koey teow is the inanimate cousin to all the Simple Simons, Plain Janes and Ugly Bettys in this world.

It’s ugly – not to mention often burnt, soggy, oily. What decorates it would normally be similarly plain ( sometimes unwanted ) bean sprouts, bits and pieces of chicken meat, cockles and prawns ( if you are lucky ) – but a taste of this palatable char koey teow often sends you off to heaven!

It’s true. Never judge a book by its cover. Beauty is only skin deep.

No char koey teow ever tastes the same, even if it is cooked by the same person. ( Ever wonder why there’s no Mc Char koey teow , or Char koey teow Hut? ) There would always be occasions, events, surroundings, people that affect the taste, mood and effect of this cuisine.

What is so special about char koey teow?

Char koey teow would always remind me of certain individuals in my life. The most significant one would have to be A... who used to be the love of my life, the reason for my living ( ? ) – but who has come and gone just like the passing season! It was this humble char koey teow that brought us together.

Knowing that I had a weakness for the food, A showed up in front of my door on a Saturday morning ( year end to be exact ) with the dish! He claimed that he fell for the girl with tousled, wind-blown hair ( not to mention unruly – hey, even super models need cosmetic to look good! ) who answered the door. To be frank, I didn’t buy the line but to have someone cooking my favourite dish on a morning where people would rather be in bed than preparing breakfast for someone else, warmed my heart… ( Do I hear a sigh somewhere? Or is that a cynical smile? ) Frankly, I couldn’t remember how the char koey teow tasted like. I was too busy looking into his eyes and glorifying in the thoughts that I have found my Mr Right – and can he cook, too!!!

However, after tones of char koey teow later, we found out that we were as different as day and night; the relationship ended but memories remain. I've gone to numerous outings ( with different people, at different times and situations ), yet, never have I found a similar magical moment like the one on that early Saturday morning.