What differentiates May from the other months?
Holidays, some would say! Labour Day, Wesak Day, Pesta Keamatan… A time to rejoice and celebrate those around you. Mother’s Day, Teacher’s Day, birthdays for those born in May…. On a bitter and somber note, the older generation would undoubtedly be reminded of May 13, where else for me, I would forever be haunted by an event that took place a year ago….
May 15, 2006:A year ago, today would be the day when I thought God was playing his cruel joke on me. A short phone call led to frantic, hysterical, frenzied phone conversation and text messages. I rushed to your home, wondering why I didn’t go sooner, calling all sorts of names - to myself - and pretending to be calm and collected for the sake of your sister. It was, by far, the longest journey that the three of us had ever endured when in reality, Puncak Alam was just a stone-throw.
An ambulance’s blinking lights greeted us as we reached the familiar junction. My heart skipped a beat and June 2003 flashed for a while. I lost Bapak, and you and the rest of the gang came to offer your support. Would I be able to do the same thing to you… or to Mama? I was wishing hard that it would be for the former, and not the latter. Had I dreamt of losing a tooth the night before, or breaking my sandal’s strap, or fell down flat on my face, or any other signs, I would be more prepared to face this reality.
Didi’s car came to a halt. An unseen power brought us to your home. I stood still, not noticing that Kak Maz was hugging me, crying. My mind was elsewhere, vaguely searching and remembering those happy times together. Hey, remember you giving us a tour when the area was not so densely populated and the construction workers had their baths brazenly by the road side? Wan used to say “suwey 44 harilah macam ni ” whenever we encountered similar situation at Bukit Mas, right? It used to be so calm and peaceful here, just like the night when you wanted me to meet your beloved Mafiosi. The hug tightened, and I was brought to reality.
It was still a calm and peaceful morning. Was that you sleeping soundlessly at the bottom of the stairs? A strange place to lie down, I thought. Mama was holding and reciting the surah Yasin. From time to time, she brushed your forehead with some kind of water. Eddot was already in, she was comforting Didi. Phones – and too many of them – were ringing, mine included. Someone asked for direction, another asked for something else… Normally, I would refer those sorts of details to you but now…. I was not prepared to talk to anyone. Anyway, there were Cordy, Wan, Ajun…. Had they been informed? How should they be informed? Nothing, not even the ever chaotic convocations or all the DIT projects in the world, had prepared me for this. You were always the one in-charge, and how was I supposed to know that our Langkawi Family Day was actually a test?
I went through that period in a state of detachment. I remember reciting Al Fatihah and went to your kitchen, and started clearing up the mess. Typical me. Remember how you used to joke about me cleaning the tables at MSM or where ever, whenever I was distressed? I remember seeing a guy in white examining you, and a police man on patrol advising us on what to do. It was final. You were pronounced …. You were actually saying your goodbyes for the last few weeks – throughout countless meetings, Minggu Usahawantekno, UniKL Sports Carnival, Langkawi Family Day - we were too busy to notice ( or we just did not want to… ).
More and more arrived. Do you know that you’re loved by all? Loved ones, friends, staffs and students all flocked in from all over the places not only on that day, but the following days as well, to pay you respect. I’m sure you noticed their presence, right? It was like a big gathering – people from all walks of life gathered together. We were as different as day and night, yet, we were there for the same purpose – you. You know what Put, I wouldn’t be surprised to see the same Mat Salleh tourists that tagged along with you during one of our KLCC outings, there! As Didi would often say, Along ni.. Ntah sape-sape lah.. semua dia kenal!
The time had come for us to bid you farewell. Cars after cars left your compound; we were all traveling to your new resting place. Unlike our previous outings, no bags to pack, not even the woman’s best-friend – shoulder pads and compact powder. I was stunned for a while – you were on a similar light-n-easy travel mode when we went to Langkawi, weren’t you? Had you known back then?
Everyone was there. It was a bright and sunny afternoon, but nobody was aware. The mood was somber. You were on your way and it was a one-way trip. It would be a solo trip, just like what your pilot friend was trying to attempt all this while, and you beat him to that. Amidst tears and sobs, we tried to smile as surely, you wouldn’t want to leave us in this condition, right? Talqin was recited, prayer was then offered, hugs were exchanged. It was time to say goodbye – for good.
A daughter, friend, sister, teacher, companion is now gone. No more sharing of deep secrets, comparing family histories, watching sentimental old movies, giggling over some inside jokes, name-callings, even the exchange of Hallmarks, and Memory Lane cards.
A year would soon pass. Soon, everyone would be busily talking about Teachers Day celebration and what they would be getting this year. If you were still here, I’m sure you would insist on stalks of roses to be distributed to everyone. “ Every one is a teacher,” you would say this line. As for me, I would be thinking of how it feels like to lose a dear friend – just a day before roses make their rounds in MIIT.
* In remembrance of a dearest friend, Puteri Zalina Addnan. Al Fatihah. *
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