Life is... a cup of bitter-sweet coffee.

Ever wondered why people are addicted to coffee?

Most people claim that coffee gives them the perk needed especially to start their days. A good cup of coffee could forecast the kind of day that lies ahead – slow, hectic, chaotic! Anyway, experience taught me that if a cup of coffee failed to give you the perk, don’t expect the remaining nine to do you any good!! When I was studying, I would make myself pots and pots of coffee in order to stay awake and complete those literature assignments which were due on the next day. Nevertheless, I always found myself dozing off in the middle of the process or writing about Hamlet when I was supposed to write on Orlando as in Shakepeare’s As You Like It.

Some people drink coffee simply because it gives them that social status or what ever you call it. You could actually tell the personalities / characteristics of a person just by his drinks. This might come in handy especially if you are looking for a potential life partner.

Espresso: Someone who tries so hard to impress the others, in particular people of the opposite sex. He could also be an extremist and a non-conformist, and trying so hard to prove it! Orange is his colour; just as pink is to Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde. Age: He doesn’t tell and don’t try to guess. The only response you would get from him would either be a shrug or simply a stare. Mr Espresso is full of mysteries. If you’re thinking of spending the rest of your life ala Sherlock Holmes, or with a “ till death do us part ” partner, then, Mr Espresso is the man for you. A cup of Espresso will last him 1 to 2 hours – and the relationship, longer. He’s deep, truly deep. However, if you can’t fathom him, just raise your hand and ask for the cheque – fast!

Mocha / Latte / White Coffee: Simply for beginners or those who were brought up drinking Nescafe! His choice of drinks is often based on his mood for that particular day. Unlike Espresso lover, he gulps his drinks in less than 10 minutes, sometimes even faster. Ladies, be warned if you’re dating someone who orders these drinks: you might be dating a player, Mr Romeo himself. Just like his choice of coffee, the relationship usually will not stand the test of time. The good news about going out with Mr Mocha / Latte / White Coffee ( what ever name you decide to call him ) is he is not as complicated as Mr Espresso. Don’t worry – this type of coffee lover wouldn’t make you spend your first date ( and the followings, if any ) answering quiz questions or pondering as to why the third world countries are being deprived of their what so ever by who ever… ( Hint: Mr Espresso ) He also comes with a complete resume. Ask him about his age, and he’ll tell you the nicknames of all his siblings – including their hobbies. By the time you leave the restaurant or café, you would feel as if you have met the entire clan.

Ice-blended / frappuchino / what-ever-is-the-name-of-the-latest-drinks etc: You are dating the most up-to-date, well-informed, information-at-his-fingertips kind of guy here. Chances are he also knows how many branches of Moonbucks or Tea Beans are available in Klang Valley alone – and that he has gone to each and every one of them. He also knows whether a particular drinks should be taken stirred, not shaken. ( His last name is Bond, by the way. ) Don’t worry if you are unfamiliar with the new drinks that just hit the market; he is your walking encyclopedia. Let him order, after all, you might mispronounce the words. Just get your wallet ready! This kind of guy loves to talk – so, you need to be a good listener ( with the occasional aha or mmm ) in order for the relationship to last. Chances are you guys would be wandering to the latest, trendiest recently-opened boutique-for-men or salon after having your cuppa. Get yourself ready for the new hairdo or that fashionable fishnet shirt – on him, not on you!

Traditional Kopi Jantan / Kopi Ginseng / Tongkat Ali / Kacip Fatimah: It is believed that this combination would help boost an individual’s energy and that many people have sworn by it! Just browse through today’s dailies or stay put in front of the television set for an hour: you’ll be surprised to see how many Pak Abus, Pak Abases, Pak Ahmats and the likes appear in the coffee adverts! Now, who are you dating now? “ A real man ” ( claim the coffee drinkers ), where in real life, they might be over-the-hill guys who try so hard to keep up with their yester years!!! These people might be the typical MCP – and women should wait upon them. A typical home scenario would be the husband reading the daily newspapers, five kids in the background, a pair of cats lying on the couch, the decorative bonsai tree next to the door, piles and piles of unopened mails on the top left of the drawer… Wait a minute – where is the lady of the house? She might be scrubbing the kitchen floor or taking out the garbage right now. ( And men need ginseng and tongkat ali? )

Enough of reading too much in between the lines, or in this case, in between the cups of coffee…. After all, we can’t go around asking our potential partners on what types of drinks they consume!!! My advice: Just take life as it is… sweet and bitter, all at the same time – just like a cuppa.